Meanwhile, Roethlisberger’s lawyer is telling journalists, “Ben has never sexually assaulted anyone; especially Andrea McNulty.” Especially her? How the hell do you especially not rape someone? “These other women, I merely did not rape, but that one I extra super double did not rape!” Huh? Oh wait, I think I get it. I’ve got a dollar that says we’re about to find out that he doesn’t deny having sex with her, but she wanted it. And we all know most girls would feel lucky to get to have sex with Ben Roethlisberger, and men totally only rape when they can’t otherwise get laid, so why would he need to rape this one? Another dollar says the “especially” means we’re also about to hear that, dude, she’s not even that hot — the same defense Kobe Bryant used — and nobody ever rapes ugly women, so there you go. It’s her word against his, and really, who are you going to believe? The guy’s a national treasure. The woman’s just somebody willing to subject herself to public humiliation and intense scrutiny of her entire life in order to hold a man accountable for allegedly raping her. I think we can all agree it’s obvious who’s got the greater motive to lie — that golddigging bitch! Case closed.

Say it with me, folks: That’s rape culture.