…or I’m The Only One Who Is Nice Enough to Still Talk to Her Ex’s. 

Why?  Why?!  WHY?!? Do every single one of my ex’s feel the need to get back in touch with me after they are married and/or partenered for life only to tell me that they miss me/are sorry for treating me badly/should’ve called/just wondering how I’m doing??  The compliments are nice, but I’m not that hard up for compliments.  Yes, it is nice to know you wanted me back, but you shoulda called when you were actually single—when something could have been done about it!  At the very least, call me when you’re miserable and divorcing.  Don’t call me when she’s bringing you homemade cookies by the fireplace and everything’s perfect.  That just makes me feel miserable.  Miserable and lonely.  Unless making me feel miserable and lonely is your intent.  Then just don’t fucking call me at all.  I already am miserable and lonely.  Don’t really need your help on that, thanks.  One day, I hope to repay the favor, but you’ll probably have children and grandchildren by then while I’ll have wasted my fertile years dating assholes like you so I’ll be barren and fruitless and you’ll want to invite me to your family barbecue with your perfect wife and your perfect children and perfect dog.